Shotguns and Shot Sons
by Lyny Angell
Summary: Just a cute little Meet the Parents type fic that wouldn't get out of my head.  Enjoy!  Just a little warning, this story turned out much differently that I originally planned, so bear with me if it seems a litle weird.  R&R, please! OneShot.


Shotguns and Shot Sons

"Don't be nervous."

Nervous? What on Earth did he have to be nervous about? He was about to meet her family for the first time. This was the girl of his dreams, the girl he had been convinced that he would marry since he was eleven years old. This was the girl who had fiercely claimed to hate him for six and a half years. This was the girl who had probably come home from Hogwarts crying about how mean and hateful he had been to her during their younger years, which had always been filled with fights. This was the girl he was hopelessly in love with. And he was about to meet her entire family, whom he knew nothing about.

Of course, he had nothing at all to be nervous about.

Yeah, right.

She squeezed his hand, sparing him a quick, cheeky grin before opening the door.

"Mum! Dad! Petunia! We're here!" She called.

James took a moment to admire their moderate suburban home. They lived in a small, quaint town, in Surrey, called Little Whinging. It was the perfect picture home. Quite different from his own stuffy manor, it felt good and homey. He decided instantly that he liked it there.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax as he heard footsteps and excited, high-pitched, female muttering coming towards them.

Mrs. Amelia Evans turned the corner. She wore an apron, the perfect picture of a Muggle Housewife.

Lily ran, squealing excitedly, into her mother's outstretched arms. They began talking very quickly, their words a lightning fast stream of babble that James couldn't even attempt to follow.

As he watched, rather bemusedly, more footsteps were heard, and a rather large, though certainly not fat in any way, man appeared in the front hallway.

"So," he said calmly. "You must be the boyfriend."

James gulped.

"Daddy!" Lily shrieked, finally ceasing the excited conversation she had been having with her mother and running into her father's arms. She hugged him and kissed his cheek happily.

When they separated, the older man stepped forward, extending his hand to James.

"Daniel Evans," he said gruffly.

"James Potter," James replied, shaking his girlfriend's father's hand. The man had an unusually firm grip.

"Oh, and I'm Lily's mother," the other woman said, sweeping James into a hug by way of greeting.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Evans," James said very politely.

"Oh, please, call me Amelia," she said, grinning. James smiled.

"And you can call me Mr. Evans," Lily's father proclaimed darkly.

"Yes, sir," James replied, growing pale with dread at Mr. Evan's tone. Lily was at his side the next instant, slipping her hand into his, leaning ever so slightly into him. He hadn't been so thankful for her familiar presence in… he didn't know how long.

"Where's Petunia?" Lily asked, looking around as if she expected her sister to appear from the door which led to the kitchen or com e traipsing down the stairway.

"Oh, she's off with some of her friends," Amelia said, waving her hand distractedly. "At any rate, let's get the two of you settled." She looked at them, frowning slightly. "Don't you have any bags?" she asked.

"Oh, yes," James replied, pulling the shrunken trunks out of his pocket. Amelia grinned at the sight of the bit of magic.

"How clever," Daniel said softly. "I'm sure it was your idea, Lily."

James opened his mouth to agree that it had, indeed, been Lily's idea to shrink their baggage and make it easier for transport, but thought better of it. He didn't want to seem like a kiss-up.

Lily giggled a little at her father's blatant display of fatherly dislike for her boyfriend. She grasped James' hand tightly in her own and started to lead him upstairs.

"I'll show you your room, and we can unpack. We'll come down and visit later," she said. She giggled again as she dragged James upstairs behind her. It felt so, so good to be home.

"This is my room," she said, slightly breathless from the job upstairs, flinging open a door on the left side of the hall. She pulled James inside with her, leaning up to kiss him softly.

"What was that for?" James asked, grinning as he pulled away.

"Because I love you," Lily replied cheekily. "And because I know my father's going to give you a hard time." Lily said, smiling sympathetically and leaning up to kiss him again. James wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing one hand up to support the small of her back as he deepened the kiss. Lily sighed into his mouth, bringing her arms up around his neck and running her hands through his messy hair as they kissed.

James gently darted his tongue against her lips, and Lily parted them, allowing him access to her. Completely forgetting the fact that they were in her parents' home as he thoroughly enjoyed their little romantic interlude, James' hand drifted dangerously close to them hem of her shirt, completely of its own accord, naturally. Lily smiled against his lips as she felt his hand lightly caress the bear skin on her stomach.

"Ahem."

Lily and James broke apart as if they had been hit by a lightening bolt. Lily's hands went to her shirt, frantically flattening and straightening herself. James fixed his glasses, which were hanging askew.

"This," Daniel Evans said very sternly, "is my daughter's room, where you will definitely not be setting foot again as long as you are under our roof. Let me show you to the room where you'll be staying, Potter."

"Yes, sir," James replied, casting a frightened look back at Lily as her father led him out of the room and down the hall.

"Now, what you need to understand, James," Mr. Evans said as he opened the door to the spare bedroom, "is that there are rules in this household, rules which I expect you to abide by. Now, I don't know what it is that the two of you have been getting up to at school, but here, in my home, your hands stay on top of my daughter's clothes at all times. Got me?"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Evans."

"Then, we won't be having any more problems?"

"No, sir, Mr. Evans."

"Good." Daniel clapped James very hard on the back and started for the door. As he reached it, he turned back to James. "Oh, and Potter?"

"Yes, sir?"

"If I catch you in her bedroom again, I'll tear off your balls with my bare hands and put them in a jar to keep in my work shed." And with that, he closed the door, leaving a terrified, sweating James standing in the middle of the room.

Lily knocked softly at James' door a few minutes later.

"Come in," he called.

"Hey," Lily said, leaning up to kiss his cheek. James smiled.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that my sister should be home soon for you to meet, and that Mum says lunch will be ready in twenty minutes and to come on downstairs when you're finished unpacking."

"Is it safe?" James asked.

"Is what safe?"

"Is it safe for me to walk around your house without a bodyguard? I think I ought to be afraid your father's going to leap out at me with one of those-what are they called? Shotsuns?"

"Shotguns, James," Lily corrected patiently. "And the last time I checked, Daddy doesn't even own a gun, so you are perfectly safe."

"I'd be afraid of what he could do with his bare hands," James muttered, repressing a shudder as he remembered Mr. Evan's earlier threat.

Lily giggled, her eyes closing, her head tilting back ever so slightly. James gulped. Every once in a while, he was caught with the realization that she was, after nearly seven long years of waiting for her to come round, his. It still shocked him.

He stepped forward slightly, stopping her laughter as he caught her around the waist, pulling her flush against him.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he asked, his breath tickling her ear.

"James," she admonished his compliment gently, a blush growing on her cheeks. When he took her by surprise and said things like that, it always made her feel flush and light-headed. He caught her face between each of his hands and kissed her softly and slowly. His kisses made her blush grow brighter and almost made her weak in the knees. This was why she had finally fallen for him. He had this… indescribable effect on her. It was more than attraction, more that lust, more than anyone had ever made her feel in her entire life. Lily shuddered into his kiss from the pleasure of it, and James brought one hand down from her face, and encased it around her waist, giving her support as she felt herself grow ever more light-headed. There was absolutely no denying that James potter was a fantastic kisser.

"Lily? Are you coming down to help with lunch, dear?" her mother's voice floated easily up the stairs; Lily and James quickly jumped apart. Lily, still slightly unsteady from the heat of their kiss, fell backwards, hard on her rump.

"Oww," she moaned softly, closing her eyes.

"Are you alright, dear?"

"Good Merlin, are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" Lily called, nodding at James to reassure him as well. "I'll be down in just a moment, Mum." James reached out a hand and pulled her to her feet and into a hug.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked gently. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I hope I didn't hurt you."

"I'm fine," Lily said, leaning into his embrace. "It's not your fault, don't worry." James squeezed her tightly before releasing her. "You wanna come downstairs and help with lunch? I promise, that'll score you tons of points with Mum."

James grinned.

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

Lunch was a fairly pleasant and uneventful affair. James, it was obvious, had Amelia charmed after about five minutes. Lily grinned as she watched their interactions. It was so important to her that her family accepted James. She couldn't deny that she loved him. Hell, she'd been denying it for almost seven years, she wasn't about to go through that any more. 

Suddenly, the front door was slammed rather vigorously and a pair of feet could be heard stomping towards the kitchen where the family plus James sat.

The kitchen door slammed open, and Petunia Evans stood in the doorway, her usually pale cheeks pink and flushed her eyes blazing.

"What are you doing here?" she asked furiously, staring at her younger sister.

"I-I've just come home from school, Petunia. I want you to meet James. James, this is my sister, Petunia Evans. Petunia, this is my boyfriend, James Potter," Lily said, smiling as if she could not see her sister's obvious fury.

James stood, smiling pleasantly and held out his hand to shake Petunia's. She stared at him, horrified, then turned her glare on her parents.

"How could you let her bring someone…," she paused, seemingly at a loss for words. "Someone like _her_ into our home?" she shouted at her parents, her face furious.

A loud, shocked silence followed her question.

Finally, Mrs. Evans said, "Petunia," in a very shocked voice. She looked at her eldest daughter as though she had never seen her before in her life.

"No, mum!" Petunia shouted, panic and anger in every syllable. "I am not staying in this house with two of those freaks here! I won't do it. I've put up with her ever since we were kids, always so strange, always abnormal. I won't do it anymore!" She took a deep breath, turning her gaze on Lily, now.

Lily was sitting, staring down at her empty plate. James had sunken into his seat next to her during Petunia's tirade. He was very confused. He knew perfectly well that Lily and her sister did not get along, but this level of dislike had been entirely beyond his imagination. It was similar to the sort of prejudice he saw in the wizarding world against muggle-borns, just reversed so that the prejudice was against wizards. It left an all too similar and foul taste in his mouth.

Mr. Evans now stood, his face red with fury at his eldest child. "Petunia, outside," he snarled, pointing at the door she had just come through.

"I'm not leaving!" Petunia snapped, enraged. "Make them leave!" She pointed wildly at Lily and James.

"_Out!_" Mr. Evans roared. He grabbled Petunia's arm and removed her rather forcibly from the room.

The others sat around the table in shocked silence for a moment, listening to Daniel Evans shout at his daughter.

"You will not disrespect guests under my roof in this manner! I know that we taught you better manners than that!"

The fight seemed to go on for hours. James looked over at Lily to see that she was crying silently, tears slipping down her cheeks. A myriad of emotions washed over James' own heart as he saw her pain. He reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly between both of his own and giving her a weak smile.

Daniel re-entered the room a few minutes later, breathing heavily.

"What happened?" Amelia asked, her voice fearful.

"She's gone to stay with a friend. I told her that if she didn't want to abide by our rules, she'd have to find herself somewhere else to live."

Amelia's shocked silence and Lily's renewed tears marked the intensity of the situation.

"She'll come home when she's ready to," Mr. Evans said gruffly, pushing his way back through the door. Amelia stood, following him.

Lily sniffled, dabbing at her eyes with her napkin.

"Are you okay?" James asked, his voice deep.

"Of course I'm not," Lily replied, her voice pinched and stuffy from crying. "My sister hates me," she said, looking up at James.

"I'm sure she doesn't really hate you," James replied, though he wasn't nearly as sure as he tried to sound. The display he had just witnessed spoke of abject detestation on Petunia's part.

"You saw her, James. She hates everything that I am," Lily said miserably.

"Hey, come here," James said softly, holding out his arms. Lily sniffled again, going willingly into his embrace. She buried her face in his soft cotton shirt, inhaling his familiar, comforting scent. "You know how much I love you, right?" James murmured into her hair. He knew that it was small comfort right now, but it was the best that he had to offer.

* * *

The rest of the day seemed to drag on four hours to James. Amelia and Daniel were both tense, having quarreled spectacularly about Petunia earlier in the afternoon. They were both slightly ashamed that Lily and James had overheard that conversation, and attempted to cover up the awkwardness caused by the whole unpleasant situation by adopting false and entirely too cheery expressions. 

As James lay asleep in the guest room that night, Lily knocked softly on the door and slipped into his room. James stirred as he felt her warm body sliding under the covers next to him.

"Watcha doin'?" he mumbled sleepily.

"I couldn't sleep," Lily replied, snuggling close to him.

"Lil, your father will murder me if he find you here," James groaned, pulling her tight against him.

Despite his words, he had hated the thought of spending the night away from her after such a turbulent day. He and Lily shared a bed nightly at Hogwarts, mainly because Lily hated sleeping by herself. Growing up, she had always shared a room with her older sister. At Hogwarts, she had had several dorm mates to keep her company. However, the Heads of the school were offered their own separate tower at Hogwarts, and Lily hated sleeping in her large, cold room by herself. The day after they had started dating, she had come into James' room at night, softly asking if she could sleep with him. At first, James had been unable to believe his luck, thinking that she was already ready to share herself entirely with him. However, he had soon realized that she merely wanted someone warm to sleep near, someone to hold her as she dreamed.

This routine, he had realized, was quite pleasant, and it was something he hadn't been looking forward to giving up when they stayed at her parents' home.

"Dad wouldn't hurt you. He's a big softie inside," Lily said, resting her head against his chest.

"Yeah, well, tell that to his shotsun," James replied moodily.

"It's called a shot_gun_, James," Lily corrected him again.

"Whatever they're called," James muttered, waving a hand as if to brush the matter aside. Lily remained quiet, her arms tight around his waist, holding onto him so hard that James was almost having trouble breathing. "You okay?" he asked, looking down at the mess of red hair nestled against him.

Lily hesitated for a moment, then shook her head. James pulled away slightly, holding her at arm's length to examine her. He peered into her eyes, in that incredible searching way that made Lily feel as if he were touching her very soul with his mind.

"It'll be okay, love," James said softly. He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, then gently brushed the pad of his thumb across her cheek, wiping away a tear. "Your dad was right: she'll come back when she's ready to." Lily sighed deeply, cuddling close to him again and drifting of to sleep in James' comforting arms.

* * *

All was quiet the next morning on Privet Drive. Saturdays were always absent of the usual hustle and bustle to get to work on time. The inhabitants of the houses slept peacefully in their rooms never dreaming that moments later they would be awoken by a furious shout. 

"POTTER! I'LL KILL YOU FOR MESSING AROUND WITH MY DAUGHTER!"

* * *

A/N: Yes, a pointless one-shot when I should have been working on Thrice, I know, I know. So sue me. Well, don't actually, please! You get another chapter of Thrice, too, so it's not that bad! I couldn't get this out of my head, so it had to come out, and it didn't exactly fit into the timeline of my other stories, because: A.) Lily and James are already married in that timeline. B.) Lily's parents are dead in that timeline. 

Hope everyone enjoyed this! If you liked it, just shoot me a review saying something like "Hey, cute story I like it!" or something like that to let me know that you're here and you've been reading. If you hate it... Well, just don't say anything at all. NO, lol. I'm only kidding. Constructive criticism is always expected, respected, accepted, and appreciated!

Love from

Lyny Angell


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